The word ‘love’ is unrivalled as the most misuse, misunderstood and abused word in the world. Infatuation is mistaken for love, fleeting relationships are taken as love, ‘I love you’ is Uttered repeatedly without genuine understanding or insight. We instinctively desire and try to acquire love. yet ironically the deepest disappointment, Heart Attack, frustrations and pain are all because of love.
What is this love that we all seek ? more often than not. what we label as love is in reality -attachment. As parents, we believe we truly love our children, yet our love is often tinged with desire and becomes attachment.
Difference between love and the attachment is simple and clear attachment is selfish even if it is a mother attachment to child Whenever And unto word incident occurs the first thought is what will happen to me love on the other hand is selfless attachment causes pain love brings Joy attachment is about liking something in the other love is about seeing ourselves in the other.
Our conventional understanding of love is to fall for someone so intensely that we are ready to fight against our parents, abandon our families, sacrifice our health and career and give up everything in a surge of passion but what happens after marriage ? for some love Deepens, for others it turns bitter. Was this emotional love? Is it just an outpouring that eventually fades? Is love mainly and intellectual admiration for someone? or is it something far more profound- something that enriches and ensures the continuity of every relationship?
Of course, our love for family, parents ,children and spouse is love. However, the pain, grief, and insecurity we experience stem not from love but from attachment. Tragically, we mistake one for the other and in our disillusionment stop loving all together.
Swami Chinmaya Nanda offers four beautiful essentials of love, First, be an active giver love,not a passive receiver. Give, give, give…..for in giving, you are a master, in receiving a Slave. Second, cultivate genuine concern for the beloved- be ever ready to respond to the joys and sorros. Third love requires a deep and accurate perception of the others needs and nature. And finally love must be rooted in respect free from desire to control. nurtured n respect free from any desire to control love is not just a feeling, a fancy or state of mind it is an art of it requires nurturing and sustained hard work.
To experience the true depth of love, we must explain expand our understanding of it we must consciously strive to keep our hearts open and be as selfless as possible. When our focus shifts from ourselves to the other love becomes a mirror and a medium for our own growth and joy.
Our status gave a beautiful definition of love. That which constantly and continuously grows and never diminishes that alone is love. That which fades or ends is not love but attachment based on mutual give and take. Sadly, this transactional mindset even extends to god “we do not have permanent love even for the permanent”
Love demands nothing. It wants nothing -not even love in return.